Wasn't Jesus the original hippie? With his sandals, dress and kind, compassionate, tender, joyful nature? What a loaded word that is! I am oftentimes called a hippie – in some ways, I am, some not. I am an Older Mom with Young Kids and Older Kids, Four in All – Remarried, Striving to make a Step Family with Love and God's help.
Day 18 of my Engine 2 Rescue Diet. I feel fantastic! Absolutely fantastic. Except when I feel horrible. And then I feel horrible. Absolutely horrible.
I’ve spent 47 years abusing my body. One can’t expect to eradicate everything in 18 days.
But what I have done in 18 days is lost 12 pounds. When I am feeling good, I take my blood pressure, and it’s 10 to 15 points lower. Plus:
And seriously, I just ‘feel’ healthier as if the cells of my body are bowing to me in deep gratitude.
And it’s really odd but I’m not missing any food … the cheese, the hamburgers, the pork cutlets or anything else that I still cook for my family but am not eating.
My taste buds are changing. I can tell that. As things that before I would not even eat, taste great.
I am missing my daily cocktail. I’m Celtic for Goddess sake. Alcohol is good for your heart. Or so I have always told myself with my daily cocktail.
I miss it. But when I sit and think about it, I don’t miss the taste, I miss the effect.
I’ve still been having heartburn and with the heartburn, comes anxiety. When I think about it, the heartburn has been sneaking up on me along with my weight over the past eight months … so I must be patient.
But meanwhile, it plays tricks with my mind. Is it really heartburn? My inside arm hurts. My chest is achy. Is it really heartburn or is my ticker going?
Ironically, I work at a company that sells firetrucks and ambulances. A lot of firefighters work there as well.
Yesterday, when I got to work, I had in the back of my mind a lot of personally challenging things,and my inside arm was hurting. As I sat and tried to work, a twinge of pain flashed through my heart area. Ow. Is this really heartburn? I sat there and recalled the nurse when I was making a doctor’s appointment say ‘well, if you have any doubt, go to the ER …’ “Especially, with women, heart attack signs are tricky.”
I go grab one of the firemen/paramedic/mechanics, and I have him take my blood pressure. 184/110. Oh my.
He tells me to sit down, relax and take some deep breaths. He comes back in twenty minutes later and retakes it. It’s the same.
Well, no kidding, because I’ve been sitting here thinking about dying for the past twenty minutes.
He tells me I should probably get it checked out. So we’re off to the Emergency Room. EKG, blood tests and stress test later, my heart looks fine.
I update my mother right before the stress test what I’m doing. ‘Your whole life is a stress test,’ she replies back. Not to go in to it, but yes, things have been challenging and continue to be.
Today, I have the appointment with my doctor. Perhaps I should be on a better blood pressure pill, a better heartburn drug and some stronger anxiety pills.
But I don’t want to.
You see, I think I can do this with my diet and lifestyle. But meanwhile, I can’t be missing work, and I am the first to say that when the train gets derailed, I need some help getting it back on track.
Ironically, I left the ER and felt great the rest of the day. NO heartburn at all. So … how much of this is pyschosomatic?
I wish this blog were pretty pictures of what I am cooking and how to make it. But it’s not, because instead, I’m struggling through how to really change the way I Live.
And I would make you a rather large bet that the majority of obese people you see are facing the same struggle.
Feel bad? Eat. Sad? Mad? Angry? Scared? A bag of chips, a few beers with your buddies, a bottle of wine with your girlfriends.
My biggest challenge with this diet is handling my feelings and learning to eat to live … rather than eating to avoid living.
And that is the bottom line why I’m doing this diet. Honestly? I’m not sold 100% on it. I’m concerned about getting enough calcium … and intending to start counting it to make sure I”m getting my 1200 mg a day*.
But meanwhile, no one sits down and mindlessly overeats a bag of spinach and arugula.
… and I”m doing my best to replace my cocktail with a cup of tea, some yoga and meditation.
Colette O'Neill, Innovator of Goddess Permaculture ~Writer ~ Teacher ~ Photographer
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