Keep On Path

Wasn't Jesus the original hippie? With his sandals, dress and kind, compassionate, tender, joyful nature? What a loaded word that is! I am oftentimes called a hippie – in some ways, I am, some not. I am an Older Mom with Young Kids and Older Kids, Four in All – Remarried, Striving to make a Step Family with Love and God's help.

She is Fierce

fierce

My mother raised me to be fiercely independent.

Her mother was very passive and put up with an alcoholic, abusive husband. My mother says she came home most days wondering if her mother was still there.

How very scary to think that your mother would bail and leave you with a yelling, tyrannical father.

My mother’s mother was a burden to her and her siblings.

Someone who needed to be taken care of and looked after.

And so my mother swore that she would not do that to her daughter. She would not be a burden. She would take care of herself and teach her daughter to do the same.

My father was a lovely man – an introspective, quiet thinker, not a doer, not a yeller. Not forceful. Not. Much. Of a Presence.

And me? I wanted to be a ’mommy’. I liked taking care of things, making a home. I wanted a large, supportive family.

All of the things I did not have and had no idea how to do.

Math? I could handle. College. Yup. No problem. Traveling, moving, paying bills, taking care of myself. Check. Check.

But the very things I desperately craved? Being a mommy – a loving supportive family.

Not so easy.

It took me many years to figure out that being a mommy requires a tribe because you cannot do everything on your own as there is no ‘sick leave’. Harried, tired, multi-tasked mothers need different perspectives to see what they miss. The monotony of doing dishes, laundry, meals never ends and never gets caught up. You need a cheerleading squad.

You need people who tell you that …

Despite the fact you put your hair up in a clip without brushing it and are wearing sweatpants …

you are beautiful.

Despite the fact your children joke about your cooking and your house often looks like the aftermath of an earthquake …

you are capable.

More than capable. You are superwoman because you never give up. And each day, you get up and begin again and try to do a bit better.

And even on the darkest of days, when you are too tired to see straight and can feel the impatience and irritation bubbling up like Old Faithful, you dig deeper, take a deep breath, stop what you are doing and help your 10 year old with his homework at 9:40pm or find the band-aid for your 4 year old for her non-existent ’boo-boo’ or just sit quietly and listen to their latest woe.

And you have figured out that the women you envy because they never look like they are at the end of their rope, because their outfits match, their children’s hair is always combed, their houses are picked up, and it does not seem to be at the expense of their childrens’ needs … are that way because they have a ‘tribe’ – supportive husbands, close mothers, good friends, etc. and not because they have a gene that you are missing.

You have figured out that even Gandhi and Mother Teresa would need twenty minutes of solitude after the 24 hour a day demands of crying toddlers and complaining tweens.

There is no magic low stress, low energy, highly effective mode of parenting.

Parenting, like any job worth doing, takes sweat. And balance. And people to spot you.

What a difference an hour of a break … an hour where you know your children are in good, trusted hands can be to your sanity.

Slowly … I am building my tribe.

And I may be dependent on my mother’s visits, my husband’s help, my in-laws breaks, my friends’ companionship but I am still fierce … in love, in kindness, in strength.

 

 

************

From http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word. (On your blog or in the comments). 2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog footer}. 3. Go leave some comment props for the five minute artist who linked up before you.

It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week.

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2 comments on “She is Fierce

  1. sochen
    September 20, 2013

    I hear you…glad you’re building up your tribe. It’s nice that FMF gives us an online cheerleading squad too. 🙂 Mother on!

  2. Joell
    September 20, 2013

    Great post! And you are so right about needing a tribe! You can be strong and independent and still need help and encouragement…it doesn’t make you less strong or less independent. We were created by God to need each other! And big kudos to your mama for breaking the cycle! 🙂

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This entry was posted on September 20, 2013 by in Uncategorized.
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